Ever met someone who was so self-absorbed that whatever you wanted to do or say, though he may listen, never really mattered?
Egocentricity, when one's only concern is one's own self, can definitely be a frustration and a social hurdle for many friendships and relationships to conquer. That's not to say, if you're in a time of need and call on your egocentric pal, that he won't be available or willing to help. He will, but only if he wants to. They don't ask "What should I do?"; they ask "Do I want to?". What is socially or morally right doesn't matter, never even comes into play. This type of person can come across as selfish, spoiled and abrasive, but they aren't even thinking that deep. It is common for egocentric people to have few close friends. To be a close friend to them, you have to share many of the same interest and think in a similar way, for that ensures that both are consistently on the same page. To be in a relationship with one is even more difficult. If ever they feel that they don't want to commit anymore, it is very easy for them to abruptly end it. Thus, catching the other party off-guard and leaving them feeling rejected, especially if things were going well in their eyes. Mr./Mrs. Egocentric didn't even think twice about the other's feelings. Some call it mean; others say "keeping it real."
Personally, I feel nothing is wrong with a person doing only what he/she wants to do. Why not? It's your life. It is the only thing you have complete control over, and it is understood that you live with the consequences, be them positive or negative, of everyone of your actions. Feeling obligated to do something is not necessary, the beneficiary loves it, but what feelings does that leave you with? Don't get me wrong, some egocentric people can be some of the nicest people you'll ever encounter, but don't ever think they are doing something because of you or the situation. They are nice because they want to be nice.
-TheMadMusician
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8 comments:
Egocentricity...is not something that is innate, neither is any other kind of personality trait...like wealth, it is something that is acquired over time and becomes more difficult to overturn as we become more set in our ways. The Question of WANTING to do something is NOT unique to persons who consider themselves willingly giving, thoughtful, understanding, or conscientious of others feelings; on the contrary, WANTING to do anything is universal to all personalities. Rather, it is a question of WHY a person wants or does NOT want to do something for someone else...most people don't bother to dig that deep though...like they say, ignorance is bliss...so what could possibly be the best way to have a carefree life?? Just ignore anything that seems to require a bit too much effort or cause a bit too much worry or stress for your taste and move on to where da party at...hypothetically speaking of couse.
What is morally or socially right should never be a concern for anyone, something as important as "the right thing to do" should definitely be sewn by personal experiences, not by what others say...so that begs the question...What experiences has an egocentric person had in their lifetime that enables them to be so carefree and allow those that they love and care for to fend for themselves in times of struggle and personal turmoil???
Being there for someone is difficult for any person to do, it requires a great deal of empathy and patience, as well as genuine concern....granted, the choice is yours...but just remember, the quality that you put into a relationship is the quality that you will recieve...surrounded by artifical people who vanish as the road gets rough or friends who have cherished the things you have done with and for them and who would love nothing more than to always contribute to your happiness...
Obligation is tricky...
sometimes it takes the humble man to understand it and if you lack humility then it definitely has a negative connotation...however..to be obliged to do something often means you love someone or care for someone so much...you'd rather help them in whatever way you see fit in order to feel better by knowing that you did not leave someone you expect to help you, in the dust...its a unspoken gesture to say, Hey, i'm still here for you, in the good times AND bad.
Doing what one WANTS to do ALL the time is not realistic, however, many want nothing more than to escape reality...so it leaves humanity at a stalemate.
So, be who you want to be...but always remember to ask yourself...who will stick around long enough to acknowledge and praise who you have become?
Just think of how much better things would be if people actually gave a fuck about their peers; that is TRUE selfishness...being there for those in your life to ensure you always have good people to fall back on rather than taking them for granted and moving on to the next batch of people when the previous are asking for too much of your compassion.
I agree with what you've said is morally and socially right. It shouldn't be a concern for anyone.
"So, be who you want to be...but always remember to ask yourself...who will stick around long enough to acknowledge and praise who you have become?"
--In being egocentric, you live a life that is never concerned with the outside. Acknowledgement and praise are welcomed, but if it's received or not, our life and purpose remains unchanged. You simply aren't egocentric if you're asking yourself who is sticking around.
Comparing egocentricity or any personality trait to wealth seems a bit foggy as well. Nothing is innate, everything in a human can be written and overwritten. I wasn't trying to saying egocentric people are born that way, but to say it is acquired over time through experience, then there is where we agree.
True selfishness is being devoted to oneself where the only concern is your interests, benefits and beliefs regardless of other people. Good people to fall back on is a necessity for those who are used to falling. Egocentric poeple wouldn't burn a bridge if it will hurt there benefits in the long run. They'll do what it takes to make sure they are always on top (at least in their mind because all that matters is what's in their mind).
Appreciate your interest and response.
Before i begin, i did not say is was innate, probably should have read it twice, once for words, twice for comprehension. and the only comparison to wealth that i made was that egocentricity is acquired over time....
Falling back on people is a way of life unless you literally live alone...and i'm betting that is not the case..i'm betting you have a family, friends, and countless people you probably dont care too much about, nevertheless, they are all still a part of your life and you impact every one of them in some way...(the same way i'm sure you have fallen back on at least your partents, if not a good friend)...probably in larger ways than you are even capable of understanding since you dont look into people's feelings that much.
As far as not wanting acknowlegdement or praise, I'm sure you've had a pretty constant flow of it and so you do not understand its importance, especially for a person who enters the world of entertainment, be it music, television, acting, etc.
Now, if you have established your life and goals are nothing more than things you have ALREADY accomplished, then of course, i give you all the credit for making it under the laws for which YOU have set in order to live out your life the way you see fit...however, if you are just getting started with living, (ex. younger than 30) then i would say you have egocentricity commonly mistaken for just down right selfishness.
I'm more a believer of balance than any one way of living, being too selfish leaves you lonely after you realize your life has more in it than you, alone, can handle.. and being to worried about others causes you to live a life that is made to make others happy, allowing yourself to always be second...both do not seem appealing but to each their own, right?
I think is it quite sad when a person has been made selfish by their lifestyle and chooses to stay in that mind state for the sake of making it easier to live, and vice versa, it's even more devastating when a person who has had to care for someone(s) their entire life continues to put themselves after others rather than take back their life and make it what they want it to be through justified selfishness....to say which is your senario, only you know...maybe neither applies to you, but when you are thrown out into the world ON YOUR OWN, the last person you want to come into contact with is one who only cares about themselves in more than a career-striving way. They will leave you feeling used, uncared for, and quite stupid for ever having befriended them in the first place...you may go on and say again that this is never your intention but realisitically, you could care less; and that is where my problem lies; to know that you have a friend or family member somewhere that YOU have made feel utterly useless or unappreciated...and not as a means to get ahead in life, simply because you made the conscious decision that they were not worth the time...only you and your feelings are.
First off, the intent of this entry was to give readers a glimpse into the egocentric mind not a personal critique, but since I'm not one to shy away from one--
I would say I have a many egocentric ways, but you wouldn't find my picture next to it in the dictionary. I've been called selfish countless times and I wouldn't disagree, but usually the follow-up statement to that is "not in a bad way though". Either way, selfishness is the prerequisite to egocentricity, and I'm definitely enrolled in that class. When it comes to family, however, labels like selfish or selfless, aren't even part of this discussion. Quite simply, family is family; anything that has to be done, will be done regardless of the self. To say I fall back on them, well of course, family is supposed to be a support system and should be guiding us from before we could even think on our own. So they should be left out of the conversation because they don't apply.
That leaves friends because the rest of the world doesn't matter. I feel friends are very important. Career-wise, they relate to a lot of what I go through because most are around my age. Having fun is way up there on my list of things to do, and friends make it easier and better to do so. I wouldn't call myself a bad friend because if you need me, I'm there most of the time. I can't be there all the time, that's impractical. All my friends know the kind of person I am, and I believe have accepted me for that. One may feel "used, uncared for, and quite stupid", if they didn't know what they were signing up for or thought my principles didn't apply to the friendship. I will never feel that way. Why? Because I never make myself that vulnerable. Character flaw? Maybe, but I like keeping up the guard, I've grown used to it. With that said however, I feel I'm liked and appreciated by my friends because aside from having a genial personality, I'm probably one of the most giving selfish people I know.
You've stated: "To know that you have a friend or family member somewhere that YOU have made feel utterly useless or unappreciated...and not as a means to get ahead in life, simply because you made the conscious decision that they were not worth the time...only you and your feelings are."
Made the CONSCIOUS DECISION that they weren't worth my time? Really?! I don't know where that sentiment can arise. Honestly, the only conscious decision I make in regards to my social life, is whether to hate someone and that is extremely rare. If they feel like they aren't worth my time then I honestly can't say why. Before, I had time to do things with friends, in fact, that is pretty much all I did. Now, my focuses are redirected and if friends take the back-burner for a while so be it. If the friendship is UNDERSTOOD then that wouldn't be problem at all. No love lost on my side.
As for acknowledgement or praise, with the career I have in mind, it is necessary. However, socially, like I said before, they are welcomed (and appreciated) but with or without it, I remain unchanged.
By the way, I was just reiterating your point that egocentricity is not innate by taking it a step further and saying nothing is innate. That is why I said, "To say it is acquired over time through experience, then there is where we agree."
What was foggy was your comparison to wealth, because that can be inherited. I thought I was clear.
and from your last post, i do see it more concisely...in our present time, i'd say that your way of thinking would be enough to get right where you seem to want to go with your goals, perhaps you're just ahead of your time with being able to separate all aspects/roles of your life from one another.
And yes, i do say CONSCIOUS, because when it comes to how one invests in his time/space/energy/people, its always conscious, whether its thought or said out loud or not.
and like wealth, traits are also inherited. i'm sure you see a bit of one or both parents in yourself. sometimes its a better way to understand you rather than tricking yourself into thinking that you bred your personality.
either way, i'm sure you are a wonderful person whose caught in the crossfire of not wanting to be held back by anyone, and not being a complete asshole to the world. indeed, some very gigantic shoes to fill, wish you all the best in your endevours.
Two total different outlooks. Neither wrong. Neither right.
Thanks for getting mad with the MadMusician. Keep checking for entries, hopefully as compelling as this one. Best of Luck to you!
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